Wednesday, 2 October 2013

1. Your body is changing in weird ways. And it's not that nobody warned you, exactly; it's just that you're used to feeling like you have some say over what your body does, and now it's doing a lot very quickly and you're not being consulted at all.

2. You now fit into a whole new role in society, and people will start looking at you in ways you're not entirely happy about.

3. Far too many people will tell you about what a wonderful time of life this is, and how it's all going to go downhill once [the baby's here and you'll never sleep again/you have to get a real job and pay taxes and bills]. You will think "it can get worse?"

4. There is a right and wrong way to do everything, however minor or ultimately inconsequential, and you are probably doing it wrong. You dyed your hair that colour? You total weirdo. You dyed your hair that colour? You selfish bitch.

5. You no longer have legitimate feelings; you now have 'hormones'.

6. Don't you dare let a single drop of alcohol touch your lips, or the future will be in ruins.

7. Other people in the same situation seem to be enjoying it much more than you are. This is partly because you see far more of the people who are out in public having a great time than you do of the people curled up in their rooms sobbing, but knowing that won't make you feel any better.

8. And it looks a lot more fun on TV than it is in reality, too.

9. Other people's ideas about what you're going through very rarely match what you're actually going through. (After 14 weeks of hellish constant nausea, I have started to respond to "Are you craving anything?" with "Yes, death.")

10. It doesn't last forever it doesn't last forever it doesn't last forever...



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